Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
