I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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