chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
