I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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