dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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