honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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