We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
