thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
