Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
