You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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