dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
