Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
