idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
