i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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