There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
