Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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