On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
