I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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