I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
