i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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