btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
