Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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