After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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