I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
