i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't make out with my wife yet
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
