he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you win again, gameday.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
