This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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