her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
