Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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