Cold hands, warm shart.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
