you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
