You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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