I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
