Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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