Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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