Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
