During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
