I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
