The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
