when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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