i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
