This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
