I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
