I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
