he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
