There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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