My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
