I just made out with a guy for $7.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
