he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
