Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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