i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
