I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
