Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
