I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
