I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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