so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
