He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
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I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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