Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
