I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wear drunk well.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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