The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
