It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize