My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
