Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
