If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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