just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
