i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
