I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
