He kissed a someone with a penis
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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