thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
