'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
