Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
