its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
