hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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