we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
