i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she peed on how many people?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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