people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
