I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
