that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
