it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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