We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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